In my past life I was a professional event manager,…
The day has come. Your partner has finally realised that you’re the best thing since cronuts were invented and proposed to you, making you the happiest person alive. At least we hope that’s how it went down, otherwise we are seriously questioning your decision-making abilities by accepting the proposal. Anyway, you’re probably floating around in a bubble of happiness, where everything is lovely and the world is a magical place of wonder. Enjoy this. Because as soon as you start to plan the wedding, this is all going to change faster than you can say early onsite of wrinkles.
There’s no getting around it, planning a wedding is stressful af. There’s a lot of shiz to organise, a lot of money to save and a lot of compromises to be made with your partner. And that’s before you even get to the guest list. Deciding who to invite to your wedding is one of the most difficult decisions you’ll have to make when it comes to it because there is a whole lotta Sensitive Sally’s out there and it’s impossible to invite everyone to keep them all happy.
You know for a fact that your once removed great Auntie Jan will cause a mutiny with your other uncle and aunties if she’s not invited, even though you’ve only met her twice and both times you were under the age of three. Your partner’s grandfather Henry will take him out of the inheritance if he’s not on the list, yet he still refuses to acknowledge your existence and refers to you as your fiance’s ex-girlfriend Cindy in conversation. And don’t even get you started on how many of your high school friends expect an invite even though the only contact you have with them is to wish them happy birthday on facebook once a year. You haven’t had a face to face conversation with them since, well, school.
So instead of trying to find ways to invite everyone you know, why not ways to discourage them from wanting to come instead? Here are tips our best tips on how you can cut down your wedding guest list and dissuade people from wanting to attend.
Choose A Random Day
You know what weddings are easy to attend for most people? Convenient ones that take place on the weekend where most people have the luxury of having two days off work and other commitments. Well, we say throw a spanner in the works and have your wedding on a random day instead like a Tuesday or Wednesday, making it far more inconvenient for people to attend. Even better if the Monday was a public holiday, so it looks totally dodge for your guest to wag the Tuesday too. Also, extra points if you choose to have it on like, Christmas Day and pretend to get upset when people choose to spend the holiday with their family instead.
Give No Notice
Even if you spend a year perfecting the details of your day with your soon to be hubby or wife, that doesn’t mean you have to give everybody else just as much notice. Why not invite them with a less than a week to go on your chosen date? Giving minimal notice to your guests means it’s very likely they’ve already planned something else for that day, they don’t have time to find a babysitter or their work won’t give them time off. Or if it was me, are just simply annoyed at you for not allowing more time and won’t come out of principle. Either way, bob’s your absent uncle from your wedding, and you have far fewer guests to worry about on the day.
Have A Dry Wedding
Or at least tell everyone you are going to. If your family is anything like mine, not providing alcohol is a sure-fire way to ensure they somehow “have something else on” that day and they are “devastated” they won’t be able to make it. By something else they mean sitting in front of the tv watching a footy game throwing back a beer or two. There’s goes half your guest list in one easy move, checkmate. All you need to do now is act completely shocked that the “alcohol-free” champagne is actually normal champagne. Can’t get good help anywhere these days.
Have A Destination Wedding Somewhere Crap
Having a destination wedding already cuts out a high percentage of people. A lot of people are just unable to afford it or take the necessary time off work to attend. But there are some of those people who actually get excited about a destination wedding because they get to head off to a gorgeous tropical island for your ceremony and then have a lovely holiday whilst they are there as well. Yeah, these weirdo’s actually walk amongst us.
Well, we can solve this problem for you. Have a destination wedding in a really crappy location. We hear flights to North Korea are cheap at the moment! You’re welcome.
Have A Treasure Hunt For the Location
From Not On Highstreet
Great way to cut down the amount of people who’ll make it? Have a complicated treasure hunt for the location of your wedding, complete with nearly impossible to work out clues. You can pretend you’re just being super quirky and fun with your invitations, oh you guys! Hilarious! Or if you really want to take it to the next level, only give correct clues to the people you actually want there. Yeah, we went there.
Just Invite Who You Want
If that all sounds way too complicated then I have a totally crazy idea for you that just might blow your mind. Just invite whoever you damn well want to your wedding and don’t worry about who’s offended and who’s not. It’s your day and you can’t please everyone no matter what you do. And if people are upset and don’t get over it, then they didn’t matter in the first place.
From A Practical Wedding
Were you one of the lucky ones that actually got an invite to the wedding? Say thank you for not having to travel to North Korea or go on a treasure hunt for your invitation with these gorgeous wedding gift ideas.